Lindsay Lohan is in “Absolute Hell”

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You knew it was coming, you knew it was only a matter of time, you knew it was going to be in a magazine, and you were right, Lindsay Lohan has already sold her sob story to OK! Magazine.

“It’s absolute hell,” Lohan told Us on Monday in a far-ranging interview over several lengthy phone calls and emails where she was agitated, crying and baffled by the turn of events…Lohan says she’s “so alone” without Ronson. “Everyone’s turned on me,” says the actress. She tells the magazine that the night of the Chateau showdown, Nicole Richie walked by her and said “Uck,” and Drea De Matteo said, “Come at me, bitch.” Sources tell the magazine Ronson had repeatedly tried to break up with Lohan over the past month, but each time, “Lindsay threatens to kill herself — she cares about her but wants out.”

Damn, that was quick. Didn’t all this just happen? Whatever. The only thing you really need to take from this is that shit is about to get fun. Lindsay is a drug-addicted nympho with no impulse control anyway, so throw in some jealousy and paranoia, and let the party begin. There’s no telling what this crazy bitch will do. Snorting coke like a Dyson and jumping on every penis in a 5 mile radius sounds about right, but barking at cars in the middle of an intersection wearing nothing but a diaper and a Viking helmet seems pretty reasonable, too.

Drunk ass:

Photo credit: Splash