It Won’t Be Long Now

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Lindsay Lohan can’t get hired at Medieval Times right now and she’s been living off her girlfriend’s money for the past year, so how did she afford that $115,000 Maserati? Oh yeah, she’s gonna do porn. TMZ reports:

If you ever thought, “How the hell did Lindsay Lohan pay for that $115,000 Maserati?” — here’s your answer … she didn’t.The guy crazy enough to trust the exotic ride to a person with more traffic drama than Britney Spears is Dennis DeSantis — a porn king who’s produced such legendary classics as “Origami So Horny” and “Butt Sluts.” No word on why Dennis lent LiLo the car — but we’re told there’s no XXX catch to drive the ride. And as for the damage Lindsay’s assistant caused to the whip, we’re told Double D isn’t even sweating it — and will let Linz drive the car after it’s been repaired — an estimated $10,000 job.

Please, this dude didn’t just loan Lindsay Lohan his Maserati like some valiant prince helping a fair maiden. He did it because everybody knows Lindsay has really big tits and puts more meat in her mouth than Kobayashi, so he’s trying to close this deal hard. If it takes a Maserati, fine. If it takes a few donkeys dying, fine. Actually, the article didn’t really mention donkeys, but the article did say “Lindsay Lohan” and “porn” so I just kinda assumed.