Robert Pattinson Has a Slight Problem

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Robert Pattinson, star of the tween and middle-age woman porn, Twilight, has been knocking the ladies dead on the set of the sequel, New Moon. And by “knocking the ladies dead” I mean “he smells like ass”. E! News reports:

We got word from people hotly preparing to work up in Vancouver for New Moon that Rob P. causes quite the commotion on set….He stinks. I mean, it’s awful. He never showers, and it drives people on the set crazy,” dishes someone who works in very close quarters with Pattz. Apparently our shaggy-haired love never rinses that bod of his, as Keanu and Brad have famously not done, as well, during extended periods of their hunky lives. Like, ever. And it’s past the point of a little BO. “He completely reeks,” complains an annoyed crewmember.

Since I’m a fancy gentleman, my hygiene and the hygiene of the ladies that I court is very important to me. Why, just last year I had to break up with a Russian model over this. I invited her to a party at my hotel suite and she just laid on my couch for three days. She even had her eyes open staring at the ceiling and wouldn’t even talk to me. How rude! She started to smell pretty bad because she was too lazy to take a shower and she must have been cold too because her lips were blue. I called my bodyguard in about it, but he just ran out real fast then came back and wrapped her in a tarp and told me to come back later. I never saw her again, and quite frankly, I don’t think I want to. The nerve of some people!