Bruce Willis Got Married

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Apparently tired of years of banging young Hollywood ass, Bruce Willis, 54, married his model/actress girlfriend, Emma Heming, 32, on Saturday at his Turks and Caicos islands estate. E! Online reports:

Guests at the Caribbean wedding included Willis’ ex-wife, Demi Moore, and her husband, Ashton Kutcher. The Live Free or Die Hard actor, 54, and the 32-year-old British model met through friends and began dating last year. Willis’ publicist tells E! that the couple will have a civil ceremony when they return to California. Bruce and Demi were married for 13 years before splitting in 2000. Their three daughters, Rumer, 20, Scout, 17, and Tallulah, 15, also attended the wedding.

Ashton Kutcher is 32 and married to something held together by duct tape and science (Demi Moore has had over $500K worth of plastic surgery), yet Bruce Willis is 52 and has been inside more young pussy than a veterinarian. I have no idea what it’s gonna be like at Bruce’s funeral, but I think they should cut off his penis and place it on one of those velvet pillows and drive it around in a parade car behind a marching band and girls twirling batons.