Lindsay Lohan is Scared

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In four short years, Lindsay Lohan has gone from one of the hottest young actresses in Hollywood with the world at her feet to a semen-encrusted skeletal mess who has to sell leggings and appear at clubs if she wants to pay her rent. She hasn’t starred in a major movie since 2007 and no producer will go near her. But don’t worry, Lindsay’s on the case! Us Magazine says:

“It’s scary when you realize, ‘Oh my God, I’m not working. And I have a house to pay for now.’… and there’s been some things I’ve really wanted to do,” she says in April’s Nylon. “Like the one movie I’ve wanted to do for so long is Alice in Wonderland [directed by Tim Burton],” she continues. “But, um, that didn’t work out… it is what it is.” The 22-year-old actress — who recently fought an arrest warrant, which was recalled — goes on: “[Producers said] ‘You’re not right for the part, and that’s it.’ That’s how I like to hear it…I can take it, I’m a big girl. Obviously, you don’t want me. I don’t want to do something that somebody doesn’t want me to be involved in anyway.” But Lohan says she’s “talking to a lot of people right now” — or at least trying to. “One is Sean Penn — I spoke to him the other day. We’re trying to get Seth Rogen for this project, but Seth won’t call us back. So call us back, Seth, if you’re reading this!”

Jesus, this bitch is delusional. In her mind she’s gonna be in a Tim Burton movie and taking meetings with Sean Penn and Seth Rogen. In reality, she’s about six months away from looking for cigarette butts in parking lots and giving handjobs to anybody who’ll put her on a guest list. Her career is over. I mean, if she made a snuff film I might go see it. But, you know, only if Grey’s Anatomy was a re-run. Oh, that Izzie Stevens! She’s just has so much love in her heart!

(This has nothing to do with Lindsay Lohan, but our editor@ and submission@ aliases are now working as normal. So feel free to send a post idea or pictures of your boobs. Combining the two is preferred. Thanks. – Todd)