What Elephant?

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Last night was the Academy Awards, and if you didn’t see the Slumdog Millionaire sweep coming down the tracks, well, you probably had more fun watching TV last night than I did. My hopes going into the Oscars were three-fold:

1) Buy lots of beer and take a drink every time I’m amazed that Hugh Jackman can be Wolverine in movies, but occasionally strays into metrosexual territory.

2) Mickey Rourke spontaneous breakdown over his recently dead chihuahua.

3) Jennifer Aniston/John Mayer throwdown against Brad Pitt/Angelina Jolie.

It seems like no matter how many gigabytes of space we take up on the internet trying to get Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie into some sort of no-holds barred pudding match, they just refuse to do it.

Just do it already! Stop being in movies, I don’t care. I would give up every future Angelina Jolie movie or Jennifer Aniston vehicle if I could just see their nipples touch. Seriously.