Lindsay Lohan is a Big Star

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According to online reports that were quickly retracted, Lindsay Lohan is in talks to star(?) in the upcoming remake of Nightmare on Elm Street. Of course she is. She’s pissed her career away on cocaine and semen, now she’s going to take whatever she can get. Her new movie is going straight to DVD, and her only project currently in pre-production is about a Tango dancer in the 1920’s and stars some guy named Raoul Bova. 1920’s. Tango. Wow. How exciting! Maybe next year she can play “Girl Wrapped in Tarp” on CSI: Miami. That’ right, go Lindsay! Reach for the stars!