Jessica Simpson is Living The Dream

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It’s only February and so far Jessica Simpson’s 2009 has been beaten by bars of soap wrapped in pillowcases, but it is just more of her continued downward spiral since her divorce from Nick Lachey. In 2005, she was a platinum selling singer, an international sex symbol, and a beloved reality TV star. Flash forward three years, and she’s a fat chick dipping her hot dogs in ice cream between sets at the State Fair. So, how about some good news?! Oh, wait. New York Daily News reports:

Another Jessica Simpson movie is headed straight to DVD. The pop singer-turned-actress-turned-country singer’s latest film, “Private Valentine: Blonde & Dangerous” (formerly known as “Major Movie Star”) just went on sale on And it’s already marked down. Simpson had high hopes for the comedy, plugging it at the 2007 Cannes Film Festival months before the film even began shooting. The movie was financed by her father’s production company, Papa Joe Films.

At this point, I’m starting to feel a little bad for this chick. Her creepy father has completely mismanaged her career and she doesn’t really know any better because she has the mental capacity of a wind up monkey playing the cymbals. The only way this year could get any worse for Jessica Simpson is if she was exposed to gamma rays.

For the love of God, somebody please tape these pictures to the plates under Jessica Simpson’s bed: