Scarlett Johansson, How You Doin’?

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The premiere for that one movie I won’t be seeing was last night, and I don’t care if she can’t sing, can’t act, sounds like a drag queen, or has new Laura Ingalls hair now, I would absolutely wreck Scarlett Johansson. Mainly because hot brunettes with big tits are kinda my thing. Seriously. An artist’s rendition of my brain whenever I saw one once showed a cow being lowered into a velociraptor cage.

Scarlett at the premiere of He’s Just Not That Into You: