Explain It to Me

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I mean, Megan Fox realizes she’s Megan Fox, right? If she does, then why were these pictures of her and Brian Austen Green taken yesterday? Unless he’s some kind of mystical warlock, there’s no way in hell he should be licking on this. He’s the dancing wigger from 90210, man. At best, he should be on television in a gorilla costume, standing next to a giant inflatable Uncle Sam telling me how I could get 0% financing on this new Ford F-150. He’ll even take my trade no matter how much I owe!