Leather And Lace Party Strangely Leather-and-Lace-less

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When I heard “Leather and Lace” party, I think I got all overly excited and had to change out my Spongebob Boxers for the ones with a bow over the fly that say “This Package Is For You.”

And although Kim Kardashian, Jenny McCarthy and Carmen Electra were attending, there was a disturbing lack of: 1) Leather, 2) Lace, 3) A logical reason for me to wear my fancy underpants.

When I went to bed, looking at the mirror I have installed on the ceiling, I read my own underoos: “This Package Is For You.” Then, I cried myself to sleep.