Smoking Ass Links

That makes me want to have a smoke, but also makes me wish I owned a donkey mask. It would provide a good punchline to “Hey, let’s try some ass play.” Followed minutes later by: “Ha ha! No. Seriously, I’m lubing up this cucumber.”

Wait, Joaquin Phoenix rapping has been a hoax all along? Worst hoax ever? [LaineyGossip]

We’ve said it, everyone has said it, it’s now true: Jessica Simpson got fat. Site NSFW [DrunkenStepfather]

Alert! The inevitable zombie apocalypse has come to Austin TX! I swear this isn’t a link to lame people dressed as zombies [PinkIsTheNewBlog]

It’s as old as the nipple slip and Britney Spears knows: The almost-nipple taunt. [Cityrag]

Her name is Vikki Blows, she’s a showgirl. Here she is doing her thing, topless. [Egotastic!]

Time was a Mischa Barton upskirt would get me going. But that time was 2003. Blake Lively: here is your future. [HollywoodTuna]