Somebody Should Let Scarlett Johansson Know

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I don’t know when Scarlett Johansson decided she was a singer, but if somebody could sit her down and tell her to shut up, that would be great. It’s dragged on way too long because she huge tits and huge tits makes stuff way more tolerable than they should be. It was fine when Scarlett was covering Tom Waits, because I could be shot in the stomach and sound better than Tom Waits, but now Scarlett is covering Jeff Buckley. This is like Britney Spears covering Sarah Brightman. Look, sweetie, no matter how much you try, it’s not gonna turn out good. I’m only half joking when I say I’d rather hear zombies fight over my intestines than listen to Scarlett Johansson sing.

Jeff Buckley performing Last Goodbye in 1995. He drowned two years later: