Megan Fox Was in Love With a Stripper

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In the October issue of GQ Magazine, Megan Fox reveals that she once dated a Russian stripper named, Nikita, when she was 18 after she was dumped by her boyfriend. Do not read that sentence again. Scientists say it may cause dizziness and improper blood flow. AP says:

The candid 22-year-old “Transformers” star, who’s currently engaged to actor Brian Austin Green, opened up to GQ about her love life, telling the magazine she was once in love with a female stripper. Fox, who appears on the October cover in a black bikini, said she was in the relationship when she was 18 and first living in Los Angeles alone. “Well, that year my boyfriend broke up with me, and I decided – oh man, sorry, mommy! – that I was in love with this girl that worked at the Body Shop,” said Fox. “I decided that I was going to get her to love me back, and I went out of my way to create a relationship with this girl, a stripper named Nikita.” Fox said Nikita would do “these beautiful slow dances to Aerosmith ballads.” The actress also said she would bring the Russian stripper gifts and try to inspire her to quit her line of work. Fox’s publicist, Dominique Appel, confirmed the contents of the GQ report Monday. Despite the brief relationship with a woman, Fox said she does not identify herself as gay. “Look, I’m not a lesbian,” said Fox. “I just think that all humans are born with the ability to be attracted to both sexes. I mean, I could see myself in a relationship with a girl – Olivia Wilde is so sexy she makes me want to strangle a mountain ox with my bare hands. She’s mesmerizing. And lately I’ve been obsessed with Jenna Jameson, but … oh boy.”

Gay women should just stick to this story and everything will be okay. I hate to break this to you, but Ellen DeGeneres, Samantha Ronson, and Cynthia Nixon aren’t helping. Nobody wants to see your chain wallet. They want to see some Russian stripper using Megan Fox’s thighs as headphones. In fact, you should use this as the gay marriage logo. People would be calling into vote for it like it was in the top 10 on American Idol.

Sorry about the shitty quality, but I have a feeling you’ll get over it: