The 2008 MTV VMAs Were Last Night

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I’m not sure if last night was the actual 2008 MTV Video Music Awards or not, because whatever the hell that was last night looked like it was filmed in some kind of underground bunker. Seriously, there was like fifty people in the audience. I’ve seen bigger crowds at a car accident. Anyway, here are some pictures from the thing. Sorry about the nobodies, but to reiterate, it was the MTV Video Music Awards:

Let’s face it, Rihanna is an alien, right? I mean, let’s not kid ourselves. When the day comes when she finally signals for the invasion, and she will, will you stand with the resistance? Freedom!!

Christina Aguilera looks like Linda Hogan dressed as Cleopatra at some transvestite costume party, but at least her rack is still great. Big tits make everything better. Especially job interviews.

All you need to know about MTV is that they gave Tila Tequila her own show. Who knows why the hell this skank was there last night. Was she up for an award? If I had to guess, I’d say it was to tell the story of how her grandfather pulled John McCain out of that plane.

A voodoo priestess apparently shrunk Taylor Swift‘s eyes and she’s kinda too skinny, but I’d bang her. Mostly because I’m really trying to get into country music. Her vagina seems like a good place to start.

Is Ashlee Simpson gonna have this kid already? It’s Pete Wentz’s, so how long does it really need to grow? Please. Let’s not pretend this kid’s high school yearbook won’t say he wasn’t voted “Most Likely To Be the Travelocity Gnome.”

The Jonas Brothers are three brothers who write songs about text messages and living underwater. Two of them have afros and one has diabetes. One has fucked Miley Cyrus and Selena Gomez. One writer of this blog is gay for knowing that.

Audrina Patridge is on The Hills, another MTV show about whores and rehearsed drama. I’ve never seen it, but I think she plays the one with Down Syndrome.