Kirsten Dunst Wants a Man

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When you’re a raging alcoholic who also happens to be the fugliest and biggest bitch in Hollywood, you won’t settle for just any man. Oh, wait. Yes you will. Page Six reports:

WATCH out, Emile Hirsch – Kirsten Dunst has her eye on you. Our spy saw the rehabbed starlet smoking cigarettes outside the Bowery Hotel and told us, “Kirsten was there just to see Emile.” After she finished her cig, the source said, Kirsten followed the press-shy actor to club Bowery Electric next door. “She was all alone,” our snitch said. “She was going to the bar just to see him.” But just two days later, OK! magazine reports, Dunst was “all over Justin Long trying to kiss him.”

It’s only a matter of time before Dunst escapes New York to feed, so you might want to prepare yourself. That’s it. I’m buying a mallet and some stakes and making some business cards that say “Van Helsing.” That’s right, Kirsten. How ya like me now?

Kirsten in SoHo yesterday:

Photos: Splash