Britney Spears is Pregnant, or Just Fat

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Ever since these pictures of Britney’s ever expanding belly hit online a few days ago people have naturally been assuming that Britney got herself knocked up again. Each day since then she’s been seen hiding her gut with a big ugly bag or a bulky sweatshirt. At the moment, I can’t find any humor in the thought of this dung beetle having another kid, so I’ll talk about her face instead. It’s twice the size that it was last month and is covered in various sores and yet-to-be popped whiteheads. What does she do when the cameras aren’t on her? I picture her like one of those dumb cartoon bears who gets her head stuck in a beehive. Then one of her bodyguards has to come pull the hive off her head because all she was doing was running around the yard flailing her arms and bumping into trees. What’s the bitch gonna do? She really loves honey.

Holy Lord Update: Mel “Lord Jesus Christ Himself” Gibson, Britney “Sugar Tits” Spears, and Britney’s daddy left on a private plane today. Britney and her daddy are spending the weekend as Mel Gibson’s guests at his home in Costa Rica. [Source: ET]