Gisele Bundchen Has Nice Shorts

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Apparently somebody entered me into a competition to see how many bare asses I could get on the front page, so here’s Gisele Bundchen’s at a Malibu photoshoot this week. Yay me! The Sun says:

The Brazilian beauty got her perfect rear into gear during a Marin Testino photo-shoot in Malibu this week. Fresh from a trip to Ibiza with Vogue, Gisele sizzled in bizarre thong-style micro-shorts. A delighted holidaymaker told me: “It’s normally Gisele’s boobs and legs which grab the limelight but there was no mistaking her fine bottom. “I think all of the staff were a tad jealous when a bearded man had to apply oil to her bum cheeks.”

If I was that actual bearded man, I probably wouldn’t be into women, but on the off-chance I was, I’m pretty sure I would cut my hand off and place it upon a satin pillow inside a glass case. And shining on that glass case would a be light, a beacon if you will, a beacon of hope for all those who traveled to ask my hand to heal their sick and contact their dead loved ones. The hand would enjoy feasts and parades as young virgins were offered up to him. And there would be much rejoicing. You know, something like that.