Jennifer Aniston Dumped Brad Pitt

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Despite having no real discernible talent, Jennifer Aniston has millions of adoring fans, mostly made up of bitter empathetic people who see Aniston as the victim of the man-stealing Angelina Jolie. Well, Sheryl Crow, one of Aniston’s closest friends, says Aniston was the one who dumped Brad Pitt, not the other way around. So yeah, I guess there goes that.

For both of us, the perceived idea is that, in our big relationships, we both got dumped. Believe me, this is not true.” “Neither one of us has ever gotten dumped. No one ever knows what goes on in relationships.” “Unfortunately, for some people like Jennifer and me, so much is written about things that you don’t say, and so many emotions are attributed to you that you haven’t had.”

Another friend of Aniston’s said:

Once Jen saw the writing on the wall, she dumped Brad.” “She took a cold, hard look at her marriage and realized it was irretrievably broken. She and Brad had vastly different personal agendas and feelings about love, career and having a family.”

I need to know where to send the flowers, because it appears congratulations are in order. It looks like Jennifer Aniston’s personal agenda was a complete success. For anybody else out there fighting against the evil tyranny of love, career, and family, stay strong, my friends. Jennifer did it, you can do it too!

Jennifer Aniston and Owen Wilson rehearsing their script yesterday in Miami: