The Oscars Were Last Night

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The biggest excuse for Hollywood to suck itself off celebrated its 80th anniversary last night, and with the exception of Tilda Swinton, the winners went pretty much as expected. And as usual, they were mostly wrong. There Will Be Blood got robbed and if I was a 15 year old girl, I’d feel pretty good about my chances at winning a screenwriting Oscar next year. “That ain’t no Etch-A-Sketch. This is one doodle that can’t be un-did, Homeskillet.” Really? That’s a line from an Oscar-winning screenplay? If I heard someone talk like that in real life, my only recourse would be an uppercut. And they would deserve it.

Best Original Screenplay: Diablo Cody, Juno

Best Adapted Screenplay: Joel and Ethan Coen, No Country For Old Men

Best Supporting Actress: Tilda Swinton, Michael Clayton

Best Supporting Actor: Javier Bardem, No Country For Old Men

Best Actress in a Leading Role: Marion Cotillard, La Vie En Rose

Best Actor in a Leading Role: Daniel Day-Lewis, There Will Be Blood

Best Director: Joel and Ethan Coen, No Country For Old Men