Scientology Owns Katie Holmes

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More allegations from Andrew Morton’s book, Tom Cruise: An Unauthorized Biography, have hit online, and wow, Tom Cruise is a freaking lunatic. Us Magazine reports:

Morton claims Cruise had Holmes sign a document before they started dating that allowed “Scientologists full control over her life.” The alleged document required Holmes to “turn only to Scientology’s treatments” for herself and her children’s welfare and “must never use psychiatric care or psychiatric drugs.” Morton maintains that Holmes’ father, Martin, an attorney, negotiated a pre-nup that would award her $3 million for each year of their marriage. Holmes’ rep had no comment and the Church of Scientology told Us, “Ms. Holmes never signed any agreement.”

Man, that sounds bad and all, but Katie Holmes has already made $3 million so far and all she’s basically done is pose for pictures and have L. Ron Hubbard’s baby. That sounds pretty reasonable to me. I would feel bad for her, but my creditors say they’re sending reanimated Nazi war criminals to my house this time. If anybody has any suggestions on consolidation, I’d be glad to hear them.

Tom and Katie at the Mad Money premiere on January 9th: