Britney Spears is Living the Dream

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People magazine claims that Britney wasn’t intoxicated or under the influence of drugs when she barricaded herself in the bathroom and held her own child hostage last Friday. So, um, I guess that means she’s just fucking crazy. People says:

She tested clean,” the source says. “This lady is as clean as clean can be, and has been for some time.” The source adds the pop star never threatened suicide during the four-hour standoff at her Studio City home Jan. 3, saying such rumors were “bullshit.”

Less than 24 hours after being released from the hospital, Britney was spotted at the Daily Grill in Palm Desert with Adnan Ghalib, her paparazzo boyfriend.

She seemed in a really good mood, laughing with the guy she was with,” says the restaurant’s manager. Spears shielded herself behind large, dark sunglasses and “had a champagne mimosa to drink,” he said. She stayed at the restaurant about an hour, as Vegas Confidential’s Norm Clarke first reported.”

Oh yes. In restraints and under sedation one day, champagne wishes the next. Britney is on top of the world. Witnesses at the restaurant say Britney and Adnan finished their drinks then held hands while they skipped in a meadow. Then Adnan’s magic carpet came and whisked the couple away as sparkling gold dust showered the townsfolk below. Then the heavens parted and flock of doves brought Britney a puppy on a cloud. Because Britney’s life is so perfect, you see.

Note: Not only did this Adnan guy take Britney on a little romantic getaway, he’s also reportedly shopping around his “story” (with pictures, of course) for $5 million. Oh, I know! What a catch!

Britney and Adnan a couple weeks ago: