Jessica Simpson is Unpretty

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Jessica Simpson is a shining star whose last two movies are sure to shatter Wal-Mart DVD bargain bin records when they are finally released next year. So, how could she ever top making two movies back-to-back that are so good they couldn’t even be shown in theaters? By doing a remake of Pretty Woman, of course. OK! Magazine says:

She thinks this one’s got ‘hit’ written all over it. Her father [and manager] Joe has been telling anyone who will listen that she’s the next Julia.”

Of course, why didn’t we think of that? Maybe because Jessica Simpson could stand next to a horse named “Jessica Simpson” and you’d have a hard time knowing the difference. Jessica Simpson is whatever means the opposite of “pretty.” I haven’t read the script yet but I can only assume it’s about a rich businessman who hires a prostitute and wakes up with an embarrassing secret and a donut pillow.