Britney Spears Has Sex Toys and Poop Stains

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Star Magazine claims that Britney Spears’ mansion is a festering pool of unwashed, air-dried sex toys, dog shit, and used diapers. Sexy? Oh you better believe it, baby! New York Daily News reports:

The tabloid alleges that the plummeting pop star’s Mulholland Drive mansion is equipped with a double-locked, X-rated “Fantasy Room” filled with ticklers, whips and fur-trimmed handcuffs hanging from the metal bedframe. The second-floor room also features a mirrored ceiling, a glass jar containing spanking paddles and a closet full of kinky outfits, according to an “insider” who stumbled into the den of sin. “She wears Catholic schoolgirl uniforms, a maid’s uniform and a Cinderella outfit,” claims the mole….[Federline’s] legal team, which scours the tabloid media for new evidence of maternal incompetence, is possibly less familiar with the claim that Brit leaves some of her sex toys out in the living room…Star’s source also claims the house is a stinky sty – that the white couches bear hideous stains of diaper-changing and Britney’s dog. According to the tab, a “court-appointed watchdog” is set to declare the place a potential “health hazard.”

Man, Britney sure knows how to turn a guy on. All she’s missing now is another girl and 1 cup. That way she can fully make sure this story makes me want to vomit until I beg for someone to kill me.

Britney on Nov. 26: