Lindsay Lohan is a Homewrecker

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Tony Allen, frontman for “Dead Stays Alive” (this shitty band) and the guy who Lindsay Lohan had sex with in a bathroom at the Cirque Lodge rehab facility (the dork with the gay scarf on his head), is coincidentally having problems at home. Gee, I wonder what went wrong? Female First reports:

Stephanie Allen – the mother of Tony’s eight-month-old twins Blake and Lakeland – has been left devastated by the claims and has kicked her husband out of their Georgia home. A friend told Britain’s Daily Mirror newspaper: “She’s had it, period. They tried forever to have kids. She went through IVF three times and suffered two miscarriages, and when they finally got two beautiful babies, he hooks up in rehab with a girl half his age. “He is trying to live out this rock star fantasy at 40. All Stephanie wanted was for him to be a good husband and father.”

When asked for comment, Tony was very remorseful:

Recent reports claim Tony boasted to friends about his affair: “Come on, it’s Lindsay Lohan. Hell, yes! Wouldn’t you?”

Wow, can’t Lindsay Lohan just walk by a penis without jumping on it? Jesus, this skank will screw anything. I always thought it would be cool if technology could actually create a time machine, but now I’m not so sure. Lindsay would probably steal it. Then you could open any U.S. History textbook and learn that the leading cause of death of Native Americans in the 1700s was white people and AIDS.