Megan Fox is Really Really Pretty

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Jessica Biel is too busy being stuck up and kissing girls to return my calls, so I’m leaving her and moving on to Megan Fox. It should be easy once I figure out how to break Brian Austin Green’s enchanted spell, because there’s no way this dude would be able to lick on this without help. I mean, is he still even famous? At best, he should be on television in a cowboy hat, standing next to a giant inflatable Uncle Sam and telling me how I could get 0% financing on this new Ford F-150. He’ll take my trade no matter how much I owe!