Halle Berry is Probably Pregnant

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Here’s Halle Berry wearing baggy clothes again, shopping for more baggy clothes, buying more flat shoes and hiding her belly with shopping bags again. But nah, she’s not pregnant. Halle Berry has a slammin’ body and usually wears tight-fitting clothes at all times, but all of this unusually intense paparazzi attention on her lately is only a coincidence. You know what else is a coincidence? Johnny Depp was naked in my bed when I got home the other day, and we ended up having sex for 56 hours. Yeah, no, “coincidence” wasn’t the right word to use at all in this post, was it?