John Mayer Wastes No Time

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Planted PR reports claim that Jessica Simpson and John Mayer are broken up but are somehow magically still a cute couple, emailing and talking to each other every day. I think they better make sure Mayer gets another copy of that memo, mmkay?

The sensitive strummer was at Stereo “hitting on every super-skinny girl there,” swears our source, “and only the really skinny ones.” That would be the opposite of the voluptuous Simpson… Despite the flirtations, particularly with one Asian model, Mayer left alone…”

John Mayer was also reportedly seeing a model during the multiple times he and Simpson were said to have broken up:

…Mayer began to keep off-and-on company with an L.A. model named Caroline, one source claims. He “was always seeing the other girl anyway,” said the source.”

Damn, this guy’s penis is like a trout that saw something shiny. A blonde Asian girl with implants and fake fingernails can’t even walk by without him acting like he’s been at sea for six months. There must have been something missing in his life. Oh, I know: vagina.

Jessica Simpson at Cannes Film Festival on May 18th: