Lindsay Lohan Almost Died

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Oh, dammit!

A taxi nearly mowed down the “Georgia Rule” star when she blithely scampered across W. 54th St. to sign autographs. Horrified fans watched as the driver slammed on his brakes, stopping 5 feet short of the actress. The cabbie and his shaken passengers idled for several minutes, staring as the carefree Lohan communed with her admirers. Eventually, she found her way back to the Ziegfeld Theater…”

It’s obvious this cabbie doesn’t visit here often, because if he did, he would’ve whipped that cab like Secretariat when he saw Lindsay Lohan crossing the street. To be fair, she’s pale and used up, so he might have thought she was a ghost. Unlike the time when I volunteered to teach bible stories on Halloween to the kids at the local black community center. Jesus people, it’s a sheet with the eyes cut out and a cross on the front. I’m “Bible Ghost.” Why is everybody freaking out?

Lohan outside the David Letterman show yesterday: