Jessica Shouldn’t Be Allowed to Dress Herself

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These pictures made their way around the Net last week, but in case you missed them, here they are. Purty, ain’t she? If she’s trying to make those short little legs look longer, she did a darn good job of it – since she darn near split herself in half. If she pulled those pants up any higher we’d have two Jessica Simpsons. And according to my Bible and The Book of Retardations, two Jessica Simpsons means the end of the world is a-comin’ and we’re all gonna die, and shit like that. So somebody please buy that girl some pants that fit right.

Update: Jessica’s favorite jeans. Thanks, dallas!