Ready for Some Un-Rated Holiday Tips? Here’s The Brief on Surviving the Holidays, Adult Style

You’ve already prepared for the worst this holiday season.

You’ve put a safety guard around your fireplace in case your grandma has too much eggnog and turns herself into a burning effigy, you’ve put a plastic cover on your dining room floor in preparation of your alcoholic uncle pouring more drink down your carpet than he does his throat, and you’ve kiddie-proofed your plug sockets to ensure that no lawsuits crop up after your snooty sister-in-law’s kid decides to shove his fat fingers in one of them. You hate the kid, but you don’t want to flambé him.

A lot can go wrong during the holiday season, and inevitably a lot will go wrong. Someone will overcook the turkey, someone else will get too drunk and you’ll probably be so overcome with the stress of the event that you’ll find yourself having a panic attack in your bathroom, dry-heaving over the sink before splashing your face with cold water and venturing back out into a room of forced family fun. Happy Holidays, everyone!

Luckily we have devised a brief guide on how to get through this holiday season with your sanity in tact.