Love it or hate it, Black Friday is just a few days away.
The biggest shopping day of the year also tends to be ground zero for fights, injuries, and even deaths. Humanity gathers, during the season of goodwill, to beat the holy hell out of each other for big screen TVs and game consoles.
We here at CraveOnline have often stood in these lines wishing we were one of the X-Men. With their mutants powers, we could finally get the best deals on Black Friday! We’ve narrowed our list down to The 10 Best X-Men To Be On Black Friday. Sure, some of these X-Men were villains before joining the team and have since gone back to villainy. But like the Star-Lord says, you’ve gotta be little bit of good and evil to make it out of Black Friday intact!
If you could be a mutant for Black Friday, who would you be? Let us know in the comment section below!
The 10 Best X-Men To Be On Black Friday
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10. Kitty Pryde
Power: Phasing (The Ability To Become Intangible)
Kitty would be an excellent choice. Imagine being able to phase through the masses, or even come through a sidewall by the clearance hygiene products nobody is looking at.
While the crowds fight in the walkways, you can phase through aisle walls and grab the Robot Talking Death Bringer 1000 that your bratty cousin wants.
Win!!
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9. Beast
Powers: Strength, Speed, Enhanced Senses and Agility (He's also one of the smartest men in the Marvel Universe)
Dr. Hank McCoy, aka The Beast, would be a solid choice because you would have two ways to foil the Black Friday hopefuls. With his intelligence, you could easily outsmart the crowds and make them think the sale is actually at Bed, Bath & Beyond, leaving Best Buy free for your shopping pleasure.
If that doesn’t work, you can use your animal-like physiology to jump over, and swing through the crowd. The added bonus? Who’s going to argue with a big blue furry guy with claws?
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8. Quicksilver
Power: Super Speed
Quicksilver is a no brainer. Who doesn’t want to be able to zip through the crowd at top speed, snatching all the best goodies? Fly right past the sweating fat guy racing for the PlayStation 4. Vibrate yourself through walls so that big screen TV is yours.
The shopping mall becomes your oyster. You also have an evil side, which means you can grab this stuff and run out of the store without paying. What security camera could catch Quicksilver?
Technically, Quicksilver hasn't really been an X-Man. But he's been in X-Factor twice and Magneto's his dad, so we're counting him!
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7. Colossus
Powers: Metal Skin and Enhanced Strength
Sometimes brute force is necessary to gain access to your favorite shopping arena. Colossus’ power might not be subtle, but it would work.
Crowd too uppity? Start throwing people around Wolverine style. Or "Fastball Special" for all of you hardcore X-Men fans.
Tired of waiting in line? Turn your skin to steel and watch as everyone waiting decides they really don’t need a new coffee maker that badly.
Finally, why not just bust through some damn walls?!
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6. Wolverine
Powers: Healing Factor. Also equipped with unbreakable Adamantium Bones and Claws
Being the ultimate badass is always a solid card to play during Black Friday. As Wolverine you have the ability to heal from almost any injury, which comes in handy after being trampled by a thousand people vying for the same bargain basement priced iPhone 6.
If some guy gets to what you want before you do, simply snikt out your adamantium claws, give a mean sounding “Back up bub”, and watch said person back away very slowly.
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5. Professor X
Power: Telepathic Abilities
If you’re looking to play fair, you might use your unfortunate wheelchair issue as a sympathy card for a better spot in line.
However, since Black Friday seems to bring out the bloodlust in everyone, you’re better off using your brainpower. You could make everyone in the crowd believe the store is full of rats, or convince them they are all four years old and would rather be at Toys R Us.
You can also get the employees to believe you are the CEO of the company, here to inspect certain merchandise.... It depends on how bad you want to be.
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4. Mystique
Power: Shape Shifting
Probably the easiest and one of least violent of the mutant powers to have for Black Friday. Why resort to all that force when you can just shape shift into a celebrity demanding special treatment. Perhaps a quick bonk on the head, and you can take the identity of the store manager who has now decided to load certain items into a van for “safe keeping”. If anybody gets wise to the plan, you can use your agility to beat the crap out of them.
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3. Magneto
Power: Telekinetic Control Of All Metals
Magneto would be a sweet mutant for Black Friday. Who hasn’t wanted to throw parked cars at the screeching crowds outside a store?
If not that, why not rip the entire roof off the mall and simply fly what you want back home? Looking for something a little less over-the-top? Use your power over metal to keep the doors from opening.
Once the crowd has crushed themselves into unconsciousness, just step over them and enjoy your shopping experience.
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2. Jean Grey
Power: Unlimited Telekinetic & Psychic Abilities (When evil, she can upgrade to Dark Phoenix)
This is a paradise of options. Like Professor X, you could use your psychic ability to mess with the crowd. Make them all fall asleep. Now the unruly mob is little more than sleeping bodies for you to step over.
Perhaps telekinesis is more your bag. Why not lift the entire crowd into the air and hold them until you’ve finished picking out that perfect gift. Create a barrier so nobody can get into the store but you. The options here are endless.
Finally, if all else fails, go Dark Phoenix and eviscerate the crowd into dust. It might also save some money. Who isn’t going to give Dark Phoenix a discount?
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1. Storm
Power: Control The Weather
Perhaps not the flashiest of all the mutants, but Storm would be a perfect way to control the Black Friday crowd, without drawing attention to yourself.
A sudden windstorm blowing the crowd down the street. Frigid temperatures quickly drop to unbearable levels. Lightening begins to strike ONLY where the crowd is standing. Freezing rain would also help clear a path to a Merry Christmas shopping spree.
However you handle it, the entire thing would be blamed on freak weather conditions. It’s fast, easy, and cool.
So that’s our list? Who did you think off? Please, let us know which mutant you’d want to be during the Black Friday shopping assault.
