Trolling #26: Frozen SUCKS!

Frozen splash

When Disney’s most recent feature-length animated film Frozen was released in theaters a few months ago, it was lauded endlessly by critics all over the world. Fans began cropping up everywhere, and it didn’t take too long for audiences to declare the film a new Disney classic on par with their equally-lauded films The Lion King and Beauty and the Beast. Frozen is a shoo-in for the Best Animated Feature Oscar in a few weeks, and will most certainly win Best Song, as the show-stopper “Let It Go” is a Broadway-ready karaoke curse waiting to happen.

But is Frozen becoming the classic everyone says, or is it just over-enthusiasm over its novelty? Indeed, is the film even really all that good, or are people merely taken by its limp attempts at not-so-clever Disney Princess subversion. I declare that Frozen is a relatively solid entry in the Disney animated Feature canon (it is certainly better than forgettable films like Home on the Range), but that it – at best – can only be declared average. Indeed, when one begins to pick the film apart, one can only come to the following conclusion: Frozen SUCKS. Let CraveOnline’s anger-baiting series Trolling explain why.

The snowy visuals are all very impressive, and the studio constantly proves that its at the forefront of animation techniques. Also, the songs are generally upbeat, and I agree that a movie about two women is refreshing. But none of that changes the fact that Frozen reeks of Disney branding just as much as any of their other pictures, and nothing can change the fact that it's a padded, badly plotted, and kind of annoying movie.

Until next week, let the hate mail flow. 

Witney Seibold is the head film critic for Nerdist, and a contributor on the CraveOnline Film Channel, and co-host of The B-Movies Podcast. You can read his weekly articles Trolling, and The Series Project, and follow him on “Twitter” at @WitneySeibold, where he is slowly losing his mind.