Black Friday has come and gone, but you still don’t have that perfect gift for the comic book geek in the family. With all the hullabaloo involving comic book movies, buying gifts isn’t as easy as it used to be. No longer does a quick jaunt to Toys R Us for cheap action figures cut it. Comic book popularity is at an all time high, and the choices are reaching a limitless range.
Most sites out there will help you choose the right gift, but we here at Crave Online want to go a step further. We already presented a list of the absolute best in action figure collectibles as well as some good comic ideas, and we’re not done yet. Oh no, not Crave Online. We want to truly make this geek Christmas/Holiday perfect. How else can we help? By providing a list of purchases to avoid when shopping for geek nirvana. So, without further ado, I present the 10 Worst Ideas For Comic Book Gifts.
There you have it. No need to thank us. A happy comic book Christmas is thanks enough.
2013 Holiday Gifts: 10 Worst Gift Ideas for Comic Fans
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10. SOCKS WITH CAPES
First of all, socks are never a good gift. Rarely does anyone look deep into their sock drawer and exclaim “I really hope somebody buys me socks!” Taking that idea a step further, socks with capes are right out the door. Not only are they socks, which is the Christmas equivalent of saying “Yeah, I didn’t put much thought into this,” but when you add the flap of fabric, or “cape,” suddenly they also become humiliating. Even bumming around the house, you are bound to feel stupid with a sock cape flapping behind you.
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9. WEIRD SUPERHERO HOME DECOR
Comic books and home décor rarely mix, especially when you try to get creative. Take, for example, this Incredible Hulk shower head. There might be a Hulk fan in your life who you think needs this, but they don’t. Trust us here at Crave Online, if you wrap this up and give it as a gift, you will never, ever, be asked to come over again. If they have kids, there might be police involvement...
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9. WEIRD SUPERHERO HOME DECOR (CONT.)
... and the Wonder Woman scissors won’t fare much better.
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8. SUPERHERO TOASTERS
Does anybody use a toaster anymore? If they do, are they really going to enjoy slightly burned bread any better with a superhero logo on it? The imprints usually never look right, often resulting in stained toast, which sounds awful. If you must buy a superhero toaster, I recommend the Rorschach version. No matter how crappy it comes out, it’ll look perfect.
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7. SHELDON BOBBLEHEAD
I don’t know when The Big Bang Theory became a default gift for comic book nerds, but enough already. I enjoy the show, but the fact that non-comic book fans see it as the bellwether for comic lovers is a little much. I promise you, Sheldon Cooper is not your comic book buddy’s hero, and a bobblehead of the annoying character will win you zero points. I would also steer clear of anything with the word “Bazinga” on it.
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6. JASON AARON'S INCREDIBLE HULK
This will ruin anyone’s Christmas. Act like Marvel and pretend it doesn’t exist.
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5. SUPERHERO COLOGNE
Mmmmm, who doesn’t want to snuggle up next to a man who smells like he’s been frozen in ice for sixty years? Better yet, perhaps this cologne will capture the ripe scent of a hero’s mask after a long battle. Even if this stuff smells wonderful, how do you tell a woman what cologne it is without destroying your shot of getting any action? “My cologne? It’s Captain America. Wait, where are you going?”
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4. WALKING DEAD RISK
Risk? We were unaware that Risk was even around anymore. Outside of Monopoly, is there any game more boring than Risk? Granted, it might be more interesting than the actual seasons of The Walking Dead, but we still think this is a bad idea for a Christmas gift. Who has ever squealed with delight over a board game?
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3. BLIND COMIC PURCHASES
You want to see surprise on the face of those you buy for. The huge eyes, the gasps, the smiles that follow - it is all part of the gift giving experience. That being said, you must put those ideas away when shopping for actual comic books. Whether back issues or a trade collection, buying blind for comic book fans is a bad idea. The last thing any comic book collector wants to hear is “I knew you liked this guy, and I found a bunch of comics about him.” Individually, your gift ends up in a long box stashed in a basement, or secretly sold back to a comic shop. With trades it’s even worse, because used book stores pay peanuts. Avoid the look of “are you f’ing kidding me” and ask the comic book collector in your life what he needs. Trust me, he’ll be surprised enough that you asked.
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2. ALL OVER HOODED SWEATSHIRTS
Unless the person you’re buying for is under 12, this is not something to even consider. All over hooded sweatshirts, worn by an adult, gives an immediate “hide your kid” creeper vibe, and it also acts as woman repellent. To be avoided at all costs.
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1. BOOTLEG TOYS
It might be difficult to part with your hard earned money, but not nearly as difficult as explaining to your children why Santa left them Specialman and Mr. Rock figures...
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1. BOOTLEG TOYS (CONT)
Don’t make your kids think Santa has replaced his elves with a pipeline to the underbelly of Indonesia. Keep Christmas on the level, and leave Specialman alone.
