How To: Be a Gigolo

How To: Be a Gigolo


  • 1. First, look sharp. No lady will pay for a gigolo who wears plaid, unless it’s a Speedo.
  • 2. Remember it’s all about her. Her pleasure is your BUSINE$$.
  • 3. Be upfront and let them know that you are a Man-Whore and ready for romantic action.
  • 4. Smell good. Try dousing your body and clothing with the fine scent of Old Spice.
  • 5. Ladies love the Gold, the more the better. Chains, rings and necklaces are all good.
  • 6. If your hair does not always look wet, something is very wrong.
  • 7. Clothing should be worn tightly, to show the ladies what they are paying for.
  • 8. Uni-brows are so very euro-chic, bold and stylish.
  • 9. Trucker hats go with absolutely everything.
  • 10. Breath is important, try to brush your teeth at least once a week.

To be a proper Gigolo you must know where to find women. Here are some good spots.

  • The parking lot of Rally’s on Central and 3rd. – After a hearty meal a lady will be craving some dessert and that’s where you come in.
  • The lobby at any of the fine Motel 6 locations – A lady who is saving money on her hotel has more to spend on some good old man-whoring.
  • Bus stops, Subways and train stations are perfect places to meet a woman on the go.
  • To find a worldly woman, try an airline lounge where you can offer her a tasty pretzel.
  • The meat section of the supermarket is a good place to look for a Desperate Housewife.

A good gigolo knows how to please a woman. Here are some areas of interest.

  • A worldly man should know his wine. Any wine from Arbor Mist or Wild Vines should do.
  • You should know about art, try checking out your local shopping mall for examples.
  • Knowing the world and being well traveled is a plus, Greyhound is a good place to start.
  • A well read man is an interesting man. Try a subscription to Readers Digest or People.
  • Be a well dressed man. Try picking some clothes from the International Male catalog.

If you can do all of these things, then you too can be a professional man of leisure like my protege, Deuce Bigalow, the European Gigolo.

Sincerely, T.J. Hicks