Florida Man Arrested For Threatening To Kill Neighbors Because His Balls Hurt

Very angry man. Photo: fotojog (Getty)

I’ve heard of being butthurt before, but the whole “ballshurt” thing is a new one.

According to the Northwest Florida Daily News, a 32-year-old Westville man was arrested earlier this month for screaming at his neighbors and allegedly threatening to kill them. The reason for the outbursts? Simple — his testicles hurt.

Deputies with the Walton County Sheriff’s Office said they responded to numerous calls on June 10 regarding a “white man on drugs and threatening to kill the neighbors with a gun.” It’s unknown if the callers were talking about an actual gun or the one dangling by the man’s beanbag, but police were able to find him nonetheless upon arrival.

Asked why he was shouting at his neighbors, the man told them he was sorry for doing it. However, he was only yelling at them because his balls hurt so bad. Police noted he was “soaked from sweat” and continuously complained of nut pain, something thought to be the result of parasites acquired while “swimming in the creek.”

And here we thought he might have been a bullfighter: Matador Gets Gored In The Testicles By A Bull

Police also said the man told them he asked to use his neighbors’ phones, but they wouldn’t let him. This contributed to an expletive-laden tirade. The reason he needed to use their phones was rather basic. Cops discovered his cell phone “crushed in the middle of the road from where he had apparently thrown it down earlier.”

Simply another stunning effort from Florida Man.