Miss Universe Is Somehow Still Alive

Pia Alonso Wurtzbach

Look, I’m not saying Miss Germany and Miss Colombia want to decapitate Pia Alonzo Wurtzbach and wear her head as a crown as they bathe in her blood,  but she was in New York yesterday at Extra‘s studios at H&M in Times Square and didn’t seem too worried. I realize she’s busy, but somebody should sit her down with the History Channel app and explain how Colombia and Germany used to handle things. To recap: Not well. Not well at all.