Shoutout To The Millionaire Making Fake Dog Testicles

Portrait of dog standing table while veterinarian working in background at clinic. Photo: Julia Christe (Getty)

Testicular implants for pets already exist? Well, back to the drawing board, fellas.

According to CNBC, the man responsible for the creation of doggie balls has done quite well for himself. Not only has he cured the depression dogs experience after getting sent to the vet for “Chop Day,” but he’s also lined his pockets with enough cash to join the millionaire club.

Gregg Miller is the owner of Neuticles, a company that makes testicular implants for all kinds of animals. Nevertheless, his bread and butter is replacing the stones on canines. Since the first commercially implanted Neuticles went into a dog in 1995, Miller claims he has sold more than 500,000 sets of fake gonads to all kinds of animal lovers — including the Kardashians — who he says surprisingly went for the “cheapest ones possible” for their pooch Rocky.

The average cost for a set of fake nards for Fido is $310. If you want the “incredibly gushy-soft” nuts made of solid, textured silicone to prevent scar tissue from forming, you’ll need to fork over $469 for the pair. And if you’re the proud owner of a pet elephant, Miller can come up with a set of watermelon-sized fake plums for just $2,800.

No more randomly getting lucky for canines in need: Dog Finds Intact Penis And Testicles On The Beach

Of course, throwing silicone or plastic yams back into your pet’s beanbag isn’t for everybody. Miller has a message for those who think what he’s doing is vile.

“Mind your own damn business,” Miller said.

As for Miller’s business at Neuticles these days? Well, it’s “baller.”