Iowa Man Arrested For Measuring Penis In Front Of Strangers In University Bathroom

penis size. Photo: Riou (Getty)

Most dudes just drive a really big pickup truck when they feel insecure about the size of their dong. To each his own, we suppose, but the Thomas Morgan method will definitely land you in the slammer. Well, unless you strike a plea deal first.

The 44-year-old Iowa man arrested for whipping out his willy and measuring it with a ruler in front of unsuspecting college students and faculty will sadly not be serving jail time. Fortunately, the terms of his plea bargain require him to at least complete a a sex offender treatment program. Let’s get a look at this deviant before moving on, shall we? Always helps to put a face to a story like this (let’s hope that’s all we have to see):

Thomas Morgan, measuring penis arrest

Photo: Johnson County Sheriff’s Office

Morgan apparently gets his kicks from standing at urinals in University of Iowa bathrooms, patiently waiting for men to enter and presumably pee next to him. According to the criminal complaint, the incident which exposed his behavior (for lack of a better term) took place inside the school’s Main Library in Iowa City. When the witness approached, Morgan turned his body to him and “measured his penis against a cardboard ruler.” Just to make the story even weirder, the dude then had the gall to “[make] a comment regarding his size” to the other gentleman.

People are finding stranger and stranger ways to get their rocks off these days: Chinese Man Uses 3-Foot Cable To ‘Relieve Itchiness’ Inside Penis, Gets Stuck

Of course, the story just wouldn’t be complete if the victim didn’t mention Morgan also having several more rulers sitting atop the nearby urinals with sharpie markings on them. When questioned about the incident, he denied “being aroused” at the time of his crime, but did admit to being curious. Not sure what any of that means, but it’s just disgusting enough to wrap things up.

The plea agreement calls for a 30-day suspended sentence on all four of the harassment charges plead guilty to. He’ll also serve a year of self-supervised probation and can obviously have zero contact with any victims for the next five years.

Oh, and don’t worry, he’s not allowed on University of Iowa property ever again. So if you’re looking for a public restroom to take a whiz with ease, start there.