Kenyan Taxi Driver Caught Having Sex With Goat

Photo: Daniela Duncan (Getty)

I think I’ll hoof it from here. Thanks.

Let me first start off by saying that this isn’t as nice of a story as the news anchor who can’t stop laughing while talking about the guy who lived as a goat, or as funny as the dude who took a selfie with a goat and got roasted. Nope, this story is very much different.

According to the Deccan Chronicle, a Kenyan taxi operator is in deep shit after he was recently busted having sex with his neighbor’s goat.

Gabrielle Simiyu was apparently almost “lynched by angry residents” after taking the goat to pound town, and he told authorities that he only did so after “being rejected by women at a funeral.” The angry residents called bullshit and said this wasn’t the first time Simiyu plowed one of their animals, adding that he had already been busted humping several of their cows and chickens.

goat

Simiyu confessed to hitting skins with the animals and begged the angry residents for forgiveness. Whether or not he’ll eventually get it from them is anybody’s guess, but in the meantime, he’ll have to settle for being arrested for bestiality. He said that getting rejected by women at a funeral sends him spiraling out of control into a dark place, and he would love to be taken to a hospital to find out what is wrong with him.

Well, hitting on women who are mourning the loss of a loved one while they are being lowered into the ground is a good place to start.

Kenya Man still has nothing on Florida Man: Florida Man Had Sex With His Pit Bull In Front Of His Neighbors