12 Movies That Turned January Into a @#$%-ing Joke

If you’ve been paying attention – at all – then you’ve probably noticed that January movies usually suck. That’s not a coincidence. January is a month when movie studios typically toss out their low-concept comedies, dumbest family movies and cheapest horror films, because nobody is paying close attention and a few box office bombs won’t have a visible impact on their bottom line. Hollywood is busy preparing for Oscar season, and those awards season hopefuls are taking up more and more screens to drum up buzz. There’s no point in releasing a prestige picture, or even an ambitious blockbuster, when you want all eyes on the films that just came out in December. 

So January is a great time to dump a movie, because nobody’s watching. And even if they are, these January movies are usually forgotten. “Usually.” Some January movies are so legendarily awful, so ill-conceived and dumb, that they have essentially become the de facto face of the month, at least as far as moviegoers are concerned. Even when a good film does come out in January, like The Grey or Haywire, it’s usually declared an exception to the rule, because thanks to films like these, the month is considered reserved for rapping kangaroos and feature-length blarting.

Let’s take a look at the 12 movies that, probably more than any others, are responsible for ruining the good name of a whole goddamned month. Whether they’re genuinely awful or they just looked bad on paper, these films were so terribly embarrassing that they now seem to represent the purest form of cinematic badness. They are the ne plus ultra of awful. These are the lamest January movies, which were already pretty much the lamest movies to begin with.

12 Movies That Turned January Into a @#$%-ing Joke:

Photo: Warner Bros.

William Bibbiani (everyone calls him ‘Bibbs’) is Crave’s film content editor and critic. You can hear him every week on The B-Movies Podcast and watch him on the weekly YouTube series Most Craved and What the Flick. Follow his rantings on Twitter at @WilliamBibbiani.

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