WTF?! Taylor Swift Plays Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show

Wednesday night in New York, cardboard pop starlet and hero to heartbroken teenage girls Taylor Swift took the stage to play her breakup yodels alongside a group of ladies with whom she couldn’t possibly have less in common: Victoria’s Secret models. 

Swift played during the Victoria’s Secret Angels fashion show at the Lexington Avenue Armory on Wednesday, because organizers clearly wanted a performer that was the polar opposite of sexuality and erotic magnetism, who would look more at home making homemade jam with Grandma while waiting for her Easy Bake Oven to pre-heat. No, really.

Initially joined by expired rock jokes Fall Out Boy for the band’s “Light ‘Em Up,” the perpetually sexless Swift later performed her hit “I Knew You Were Trouble” and others as Doutzen Kroes, Alessandra Ambrosio, Cara Delevigne and other Angels did their half-naked catwalk strut around her. So did Taylor take the stage in a sexy little lingerie number, in keeping with the theme of the event? Hells no. Instead, she dressed like Austin Powers’ girlfriend in a Union Jack nutcracker outfit with a hat made for a toy poodle. The girl’s got legs for days, but the sexuality of a sequined wallpaper unicorn at an ice-cream shop at Disneyland.

Shockingly, it was Candace Swanepoel chosen to wear the ludicrously insane $10 million bra (featuring 18-carat gold and 4,200 precious gems including a 52-carat, pear-shaped ruby), and not Swift. When you buy a $17 million house for yourself with 8-grader breakup songs, a $10 million bra shouldn’t seem outside the range of accessories, now should it? Girl was robbed.

Victoria’s Secret could not possibly have picked a less appropriate singer for their event. That shit’s like having Andrew W.K. and Five Finger Death Punch team up to play your mom’s funeral. 

Photo: Getty

 

GALLERY: Taylor Swift Plays Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show

 

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