We all know Jared Fogle is in prison for banging little kids, and as fucking horrific as that sounds by itself, the details of how he got caught kinda makes you wish North Korea really did have nukes instead of cardboard cut outs that say “Nuke” on the side so we can all blow up and start this whole thing over. Holding out hope for Trump. Until that time, Jared Fogle’s prison stay so far has been a French horror movie we get to watch for a while.
According to docs, Fogle got jumped in the rec yard at Englewood prison in Colorado back on January 29, and it was not much of a fight. An inmate named Steven Nigg pushed Fogle down and then unloaded a barrage of punches to his face. Nigg, who’s in for a weapons charge, left Fogle with a bloody nose, swollen face and scratches on his neck. 60-year-old Nigg was also injured — a small cut on his left hand from delivering the whuppin’. Prison officials put Nigg in solitary as punishment. We spoke to Nigg’s family and they’re not surprised. We’re told Steven’s pissed because so many child sex predators are housed in the low security facility, and Fogle was just the last straw.
Jared Fogle is 38 and got physically violated by a dude 22 years older, so shout out to irony. I guess we can debate if child molesters are mentally ill or not, but if they were, like would we even give a shit? I don’t think we’d care. Stuff like this is why the Purge has it’s good points.
Ryan Newman is 17, so she’s too old for Jared Fogle. Pretty gross, right?
Ryan Newman Nickelodeons Kid Choice
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Ryan Newman Nickelodeons Kid Choice #1
Celebrities attend Nickelodeon's 2016 Kids' Choice Awards at The Forum. Featuring: Ryan Newman Where: Los Angeles, California, United States When: 12 Mar 2016 Credit: Brian To/WENN.com
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Ryan Newman Nickelodeons Kid Choice #2
Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Awards 2016 - Arrivals Featuring: Ryan Newman Where: Inglewood, California, United States When: 12 Mar 2016 Credit: FayesVision/WENN.com
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Ryan Newman Nickelodeons Kid Choice #3
Celebrities attend Nickelodeon's 2016 Kids' Choice Awards at The Forum. Featuring: Ryan Newman Where: Los Angeles, California, United States When: 12 Mar 2016 Credit: Brian To/WENN.com
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Ryan Newman Nickelodeons Kid Choice #4
Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Awards 2016 - Arrivals Featuring: Ryan Newman Where: Los Angeles, California, United States When: 12 Mar 2016 Credit: Apega/WENN.com
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Ryan Newman Nickelodeons Kid Choice #5
Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Awards 2016 - Arrivals Featuring: Ryan Newman Where: Inglewood, California, United States When: 12 Mar 2016 Credit: FayesVision/WENN.com
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Ryan Newman Nickelodeons Kid Choice #6
Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Awards 2016 - Arrivals Featuring: Ryan Newman Where: Inglewood, California, United States When: 12 Mar 2016 Credit: FayesVision/WENN.com
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Ryan Newman Nickelodeons Kid Choice #7
Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Awards 2016 - Arrivals Featuring: Ryan Newman Where: Inglewood, California, United States When: 12 Mar 2016 Credit: FayesVision/WENN.com
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Ryan Newman Nickelodeons Kid Choice #8
Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Awards 2016 - Arrivals Featuring: Ryan Newman Where: Inglewood, California, United States When: 12 Mar 2016 Credit: FayesVision/WENN.com
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Ryan Newman Nickelodeons Kid Choice #9
Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Awards 2016 - Arrivals Featuring: Ryan Newman Where: Inglewood, California, United States When: 12 Mar 2016 Credit: FayesVision/WENN.com
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Ryan Newman Nickelodeons Kid Choice #10
Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Awards 2016 - Arrivals Featuring: Ryan Newman Where: Los Angeles, California, United States When: 12 Mar 2016 Credit: Apega/WENN.com
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Ryan Newman Nickelodeons Kid Choice #11
Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Awards 2016 - Arrivals Featuring: Ryan Newman Where: Los Angeles, California, United States When: 12 Mar 2016 Credit: Apega/WENN.com
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Ryan Newman Nickelodeons Kid Choice #12
Celebrities attend Nickelodeon's 2016 Kids' Choice Awards at The Forum. Featuring: Ryan Newman Where: Los Angeles, California, United States When: 12 Mar 2016 Credit: Brian To/WENN.com
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Ryan Newman Nickelodeons Kid Choice #13
Celebrities attend Nickelodeon's 2016 Kids' Choice Awards at The Forum. Featuring: Ryan Newman Where: Los Angeles, California, United States When: 12 Mar 2016 Credit: Brian To/WENN.com
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Ryan Newman Nickelodeons Kid Choice #14
Celebrities attend Nickelodeon's 2016 Kids' Choice Awards at The Forum. Featuring: Ryan Newman Where: Los Angeles, California, United States When: 12 Mar 2016 Credit: Brian To/WENN.com
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Ryan Newman Nickelodeons Kid Choice #15
Celebrities attend Nickelodeon's 2016 Kids' Choice Awards at The Forum. Featuring: Ryan Newman Where: Los Angeles, California, United States When: 12 Mar 2016 Credit: Brian To/WENN.com
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Ryan Newman Nickelodeons Kid Choice #16
Celebrities attend Nickelodeon's 2016 Kids' Choice Awards at The Forum. Featuring: Ryan Newman Where: Los Angeles, California, United States When: 12 Mar 2016 Credit: Brian To/WENN.com
