George Clooney Got Married
George Clooney is 52, and I can imagine that Stacy Keibler and Elisabetta Canalis were super fun and bendy, but there comes a point in every dude’s life when he wants a chick who has her own shit going on and doesn’t base her entire existence on waiting for him to propose because she has nothing else going on in her life and doesn’t want to “waste” her time with a relationship if doesn’t mean a Facebook post showing off her ring in the near future. Amal Alamuddin is a lawyer, human rights activist, author, and a barrister who can keep you from getting extradited when she’s not on the phone with the U.N. She also went to the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, so her ability to turn up has been properly vetted. Basically, George Clooney is like maybe the 5th thing this chick thinks about when she wakes up. maybe the 6th. This is why he married her.
Ladies and gentlemen, George Clooney and Amal Alamuddin are now legally married! E! News can confirm the Hollywood hunk and human rights lawyer finalized their union with a civil ceremony in Venice, Italy, Monday afternoon. The couple arrived at the municipal building at 1:25 p.m. local time. Clooney, wearing a two-piece gray suit, and Alamuddin, wearing a cream pantsuit and a matching hat, waved to well wishers who were gathered outside. A local politician escorted them inside the building to sign the marriage papers. The Clooneys emerged 10 minutes later and looked ecstatic as they held hands and kissed. A local city council press person confirms “the ink was on the paper, finalized, at about 1:30. The rest was just happiness and joy.” The couple got in the boat and went up the canal slowly, with paparazzi in tow and police boats leading the way. “Fans were going wild! People were running alongside the banks,” an eyewitness says. The ceremony comes two days after the couple said “I Do” in a separate private ceremony that was attended by family and close friends including Matt Damon, Bill Murray, John Krasinski, Emily Blunt and more famous faces.
On the other hand, I know there have been a lot of 35-year professional women who look at this for a win for them, but this is really just a one-off. Sorry. Get out there and keep trying, girl!