Brad Pitt Ain’t Got Time For That

Brad Pitt


Last week, Brad Pitt attended the Maleficent premiere with Angelina Jolie (because she's in the movie, not sure if you heard) when Ukranian ex-journalist and "prankster", Vitalii Sediuk, jumped the barricade and attacked him. Yesterday, Brad Pitt broke the first rule of Fight Club when he released this statement to People.

"I was at the end of the line signing autographs, when out the corner of my eye I saw someone stage-diving over the barrier at me. I took a step back; this guy had latched onto my lapels. I looked down and the nutter was trying to bury his face in my crotch, so I cracked him twice in the back of the head – not too hard – but enough to get his attention, because he did let go. I think he was then just grabbing for a hand hold because the guys were on him, and he reached up and caught my glasses."…"I don't mind an exhibitionist," Pitt continues, "but if this guy keeps it up he's going to spoil it for the fans who have waited up all night for an autograph or a selfie, because it will make people more wary to approach a crowd. And he should know, if he tries to look up a woman's dress again, he's going to get stomped."

Look, Brad Pitt smokes a shitload of weed and gets to have sex with Angelina Jolie pretty much everyday, so I can understand why his reaction time was a little slow last week. But when he finished his bowl and rolled off Angelina, he understands that sometimes you just gotta crack a dude in jaw to make them stop whatever dumb shit they're doing. And, maybe I'm not that cool, but trying to get under a woman's dress or jumping a barricade to atatck a man who is there to support his chick, is pretty fucking dumb. People do a lot of dumb shit. I punched a guy in the throat once for stepping on my new Jordan's. 9th grade was fun.