Justin Bieber Has A Firm Grip On Reality

Justin Bieber Michael Jackson


There's a lot of things Justin Bieber could have said after his DUI arrest. Things he could have said to influence his millions of tween stans who still don't understand what's going on between their legs when he posts a shirtless selfie. Things like, oh I don't know, "sorry for being a douche"? "Don't drink and drive it's dumb"? "If you respect me and idolize me, please realize that I'm human and the horrific decision I made to have fun could have cost someone their lives and for that I am I am terribly sorry and eternally regretful"? But no. No, that's not what he did. Instead, he posted this picture on Instagram. This picture. This picture that compares himself to Michael Jackson with the caption. "What more can they say?". Ooooh, glad you asked. First, you're an idiot. Not sure if you're aware. Second, comparing the freedom of a child molestor who was only free because of his substantial wealth and means to silence his victims and his victims' parents with stacks of hundreds dipped in gold allowed him to be ranks in the top three of stupid ass shit you've done this month. Third, your mom is really ugly. I'm not entirely sure what that has to do with all this, but I just felt the need to say it since we're all being honest. It's an open and sincere, dialogue. There's no rules here. I will now pass the talking pillow to Jamie. Jamie comes to us from Chicago. Jamie, whenever you're ready.