Jonah Hill Did An Interview With Rolling Stone, Shoved His Gigantic Head Up His Own Ass

Before we begin, if you want to know if Jonah Hill was born privliged and rich, he was born Jonah Feldstein. I really don't need to go any farther, but his mom was a Los Angeles costume designer and fashion stylist and his father was the accountant for Guns 'N Roses. He went to the hippie commune known as Crossroads School which has produced such down-to-earth celebrities as Gwyneth Paltrow. For the better part of a decade, Hill has made a living as the go-to funny, fat guy, and by all appearances, seemed like generally cool, and laid back dude. That is until he sat down with Rolling Stone to promote This Is The End with Seth Rogen, James Franco, and Danny McBride. Hill was the only one to show up late, and before he even graced them with his presence, Rogen had to actually warn the interviewer.

"He is serious, he is, which I'm not, and neither are Franco or Danny," Rogen had told us. We asked Rogen if he had any tips on a suitable approach. "I don't know," he said. "It's a good question."

While Rogen, Franco, and McBride come across exactly like you expect them to, Jonah Hill paints himself as the most smug, insufferable jackass in Hollywood. So here, presented without context (because it doesn't need it), is the Hill portion the interview. Hold on to your hat.

We start chuckling, and we're still chuckling when Hill shows up. "Seth!" we say, coming out of our reverie. "No, I'm Jonah," Hill says, blankly. "That's a great way to start." We blanch, sputter, cough and try to explain ourselves, but Hill is apparently in no mood to cut anyone any slack
Just to break the ice, we ask about his day, what he did this morning, what a typical Jonah Hill morning would be. He says one thing he does is ride the elliptical. We wonder how long he rides it for. He says he doesn't know, maybe about 30 minutes. We ask if he does pushups and stuff like that or what? He stiffens and says, "My workout routine is of little relevance."

We press on. Rogen had told us about a line Hill didn't want to say during the filming of This Is the End: "What we were saying to him was, 'Tell God you'll suck his dick if he kicks Jay out of the house.' And I think he said it once, like, 'God, I will suck your dick if you kill Jay.' And we were like, 'Say it again!' And he was like, 'I don't want to do it again.'" We bring this up. Hill looks off and very slowly says, "Seth and Evan are the most talented comedy writers at work today, and I have ultimate faith in them. But I'm a religious guy, I do believe in God and I'm Jewish, and I just couldn't imagine being happy with that later in life. I just didn't want to say it."


The waiter comes back, asks if we want a menu. Hill shakes his head. He evidently has no plans to eat here or even drink more than a glass of water. He's slouching in his chair, stretching out his already stretched-out shirt. We can see the way this is heading and remind him that this is for our magazine's weed issue and so – Well, he cuts us off right there. "I don't even smoke weed," he says, in such a pre-emptive, aggressive way that we figure he has heard about our little e-joint, so we decide to keep it hidden.


OK, we get it. He's an adult. He'd use his words. So, anyway, what kind of a ­farter is he? His eyes nearly jump out of their sockets. "I'm not answering that dumb question! I'm not that kind of person! Being in a funny movie doesn't make me have to answer dumb questions. It has nothing to do with who I am."


Everything has gone swimmingly, he's a talented guy, and now he's acting in all kinds of movies, not just funny ones. "I've done one of the biggest challenges you can do in Hollywood, which is transition from being a comedic actor to being a serious actor, and I'm really prideful of that," he says. "I could have made a billion dollars doing every big comedy of the last 10 years and didn't, in order to form a whole other life for myself. Now I have fulfillment doing both." That being the case, though, you'd think he'd be able to relax a little, open up, take it easy (and perhaps find a replacement word for "prideful"). But he can't, and so, today at least, he continues on his mulish path.


Has he ever talked about jerking off, the way Seth is known to? "No! We're completely different people. You know that, right? It seems to be a big part of Seth's life. I imagine maybe it's because he's married." We decide not to parse the subtext here. Instead, we ask if he's got a girlfriend. "I'm single." For how long has he been single? "Don't worry about it."

"In This Is the End, I'm overly nice in a really false way and really deep down have a lot of jealousy and nastiness and am really into my fame and success. In real life, I'm the polar opposite." And then, if you remind him that Apatow once called him "angry, nerdy," he'll again make with the better-left-unexamined subtext and say, "Yeah, there was probably an angry time for me. But I couldn't be a less angry person. Judd maybe thinks of himself that way. But I haven't worked for him in five years. I adore him. But I'm fucking 29 years old and not some angry kid."
Uh, bro. You're an actor. An actor in movies where teenagers steal beer and grown men smoke weed through a gas mask. I checked IMDB, and the last time I checked, you haven't solved the world's energy crisis or foiled a terrorist plot, so how about you chill the hell out. Sure, you were in a movie with Brad Pitt. But to reiterate, you were in a movie with Brad Pitt. I'm pretty sure nobody remembers you were in that.