George Clooney Is Abraham Lincoln’s Cousin

6. RB Lawrence Phillips (Rams) No. 6 pick of 1996 NFL Draft.

Because George Clooney needs yet another line to tell chicks to get laid, researchers at have discovered that he is the 16th President’s half cousin. Or as the royal family calls it, “marriage material”. People reports:

Sexy star George Clooney is distantly related to America’s storied 16th President, Abraham Lincoln, according to The finding came recently as researchers were tracing the president’s lineage in celebration of the upcoming film, Lincoln. “We noticed there were similarities between the names and places of Abraham Lincoln’s tree and George Clooney’s tree,” the genealogy website’s Michelle Ercanbrack tells PEOPLE. “They both have deep roots in Kentucky, so once we honed in on that we were able to find a connection between the two.” The men are connected through Lucy Hanks, who was Lincoln’s maternal grandmother. Marriages and births make Clooney the president’s half-first cousin five times removed. But the men share more than just family, Ercanbrack points out. “Maybe they’re not two men you’d originally put together, but we’ve found some interesting similarities,” Ercanbrack says. “They’re both human rights advocates. … Both are excellent writers. … And obviously both have the talent of being able to grow a really great beard.”

I’ve had the flu for almost a week now, and it’s slowly draining the life out of my body, but all I took for the article is that George Clooney will one day run for political office. I already expect his opponent’s attack ad will show Clooney robbing a casino with Brad Pitt. Ask yourself, do you really want a person who robs casinos to be in Congress?