Justin Bieber Was Almost Aborted

Coachella 2013: James Blake

Because she apparently hasn’t made enough money off her kid yet, Justin Bieber’s mom, Pattie Mallette, has written an autobiography about her life. From what I can tell so far, it’s an instructional book that tells 15-year old sluts to get pregnant because you never know how much money your kid will make in the future. Us Magazine reports:

Penning her own memoir, Nowhere But Up: The Story of Justin Bieber’s Mom, Mallette, 36, promoted her new book during a Tuesday interview with TODAY’s Kathie Lee Gifford, and opened up about her life as a struggling single mom who lost her virginity at age 15 became pregnant at 17.

In case you wanted to hate her more, she let God talk her out of aborting this musical abomination.

Surviving a suicide attempt in her teens after being sexually abused, Mallette told Gifford she had a spiritual awakening when she was visited by a Christian counselor in a psychiatric ward during her recovery. “I just knew I couldn’t [abort it]. I just knew I couldn’t,” Mallette — who was “messed up” on drugs and alcohol at the time she tried to take her own life — said. “I just know I had to keep him,” she told Gifford. “I didn’t know how I was going to do it. But I just knew that I couldn’t abort. I had to do my best. I had to see what I could do. And I was determined to do whatever it took.”

Just to be clear, Justin Bieber’s mom wrote a book about her life? Can I read this whole thing while waiting in line at the grocery store? Because if not, it’s about 200 pages too long. I hope I’m not spoiling anything, but I assume the book looks like this:

Page 1: Hey, I’m Pattie.

Page 2: Justin Bieber came out of my vagina

Page 3: I’m rich now

Page 4: The end