James Holmes Faces 142 Total Counts

Coachella 2013: Puscifer

“Whatever, bro. That was way cooler than playing Call of Duty.”

Because a person can’t be just batshit crazy anymore and go shoot up a movie theater, the Colorado massacre in which James Holmes killed 12 people (no, I’m not counting the miscarriage) has been politicized and sparked numerous conspiracy theories. You’re all dumb. Anyway, he was formally charged today. TMZ reports:

James Holmes has been charged with 24 counts of 1st degree murder and 116 counts of attempted murder after shooting up a Colorado movie theater this month — and if convicted, he could face the death penalty. Holmes stands accused of murdering 12 people and wounding 58 during a midnight screening of “Dark Knight Rises” on July 20th in Aurora, CO — one of the most heinous shootings in US history. The 24 counts of murder are split into two categories — 12 counts for premeditated murder, and 12 counts for murder “under circumstances evidencing an attitude of universal malice, manifesting extreme indifference to the value of human life generally.” Same deal for the 116 attempted murder charges — 58 counts of attempted premeditated murder, and 58 counts of murder with “universal malice.” Holmes was also charged with one count of possession of an explosive, and one count of assault with a deadly weapon. Prosecutors have not decided whether they will pursue the death penalty. Holmes’ next court date is August 9th.

Whether you believe open carrying would have mitigated the damage of a lunatic in a darkened theater with tear gas and a semi-automatic with 100 rounds, you’ve either watched too many movies or you’re just an idiot. If you believe James Holmes is a patsy for a massive government cover up, you should probably put down the weed and step outside for a while. Either way, let’s all agree that he should get his head cut off in the same theater and the victim’s families should be allowed to take turns kicking it down the aisle.